I needed a pee whilst feeling horny, so I walked past the bathroom and headed to my bed

Hello there, how are you? I quite need a wee, and I'm also quite horny. So I thought, instead

of going to the loo to do a wee there, I would come to my bed and have a wank. And I've got

one of my favourite unknown artists playing in the background, he's called William Harper.

And this song is called Proud to be a Weirdo, which is so appropriate for me, isn't it really?

Anyway, let's crack on.